


Can't Help It

by keegank



Category: LISA (Video Games)
Genre: Gay Rights, M/M, bro what if we kissed at blood lake :flushed:, canon non-compliant, edvinas kandrotas hire me as a script writer, i really just show up drop alexjoel on yall then fuck off for another few months huh, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24991777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keegank/pseuds/keegank
Summary: The salvage game is a lonesome one- such is all life after the Flash. But what happens when you're not so alone anymore?
Relationships: Joel Miller/Alex Churchland
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Can't Help It

**Author's Note:**

> this ones dedicated to my friend joey, who once told me id probably write an all-fluff alex/joel fic. this is as "all fluff" as i can get in the pointless-verse, but i think it counts. anyway this one's for you!
> 
> i did not hold back with the yearning here, but im very proud of it. ive had the idea for it in my head for a long time now. it's a bit all over the place, i'll admit, but i still like this one nonetheless

Joel wasn't the kind of guy to rescue any old man dying in a trash heap. He walked past the Cellophane Communion every other day, and he didn't stop them-- and every so often one of them would up, suffocate, and drop like a fly, having achieved what they were practicing for.

This one? He was far different, Joel could tell. The bullet underneath him was enough to prove that this man was special, and he had to save him. 

He dragged him back to his shack and got to work, removing the bullet and patching him up the best he could. He was no doctor, but he thought he did a damn good job. As he worked, he thought. Every so often, if the man regained some consciousness, he'd groan pitifully in pain, and Joel might catch a glimpse of bright green irises. 

His eyes... the bullet.

He didn't even know this man's name, but he'd already dubbed him something in his head. 

\---

"Need to stop here, Lucky," he said breathlessly as the other man turned around to face him. His injury was too much. He'd tried to go on with it, but it was far too difficult. He dropped to his knees. "Think I broke some ribs. I'll rest a while. You keep going, I'll catch up."

"I'll try looking for aid," Alex replied, and left the cave.

\---

Joel didn't expect him to return; he planned on getting up and walking to follow Alex, though his chest was tight and sore, and he didn't know how far he could go. He was hedging his bets when he heard heavy footfalls coming towards the cave-- a few moments later, Alex re-entered. He looked more dishevelled than before- more off balance- but he was here.

"You came back," Joel said incredulously, yet he couldn't help but smile.  
"Of course." Alex replied, heading over to him and kneeling down, opening up the trauma kit. "I found this to help."  
"A trauma kit? Those are damn rare, Lucky..."  
"Yeah, well, it's worth it to keep you around." 

As Alex undid his coat and wrapped bandages tightly around his ribs, Joel had to avert his gaze multiple times. He wasn't quite sure why. His friend worked on him so intently, so carefully, his hands steady, gaze firm and intense. Eventually, he pulled back.

"That's about all I can do. I'd open you up, but I'm entirely sure that would just make things worse."  
"You did your best," Joel told him, pulling his coat back over his bear gut.  
"We should rest." Alex suggests. "Ideally, you'd be resting for a few weeks... but we don't have that luxury. The Franchise is coming."  
"Right. Just a night, then?"  
"Yes. I'll be right back." Alex stood again, putting what was left of the trauma kit aside. "I'll get some bark... light a fire."  
"Alright." Joel agreed, as his friend left the cave once more.

\---

He returned again, with tan bark. He placed it in the middle of the cave, attempting to light it with flints.

"It's been a while since I've seen any trees," Joel commented, and it was true. No trees on Garbage Island, or around the Endless Wastes... and he didn't even want to think about Downtown. Alex nodded curtly-- the flint sparked, but didn't catch onto the bark.  
"Damn it," he muttered, and Joel shuffled closer to him, taking the flint from his cracked hands. Alex lurched back almost involuntarily as Joel struck the flints together and the bark went aflame.

"Well done," Alex scooted back from the fire, but kept his hands out to get warm.  
"Thanks."

There was silence in the cave for a while, until Alex spoke again.  
"How long do you think we have?"  
"Hm?" Joel turned to him.  
"Until Infinity catches up with us."  
"Oh." He looked back into the fire, gritting his teeth. "I don't know."  
"We'll have to move double-time tomorrow," Alex said quietly. "We can't let them catch up to us. Not with you like this."  
"I'll be fine."  
"No, you won't be," he said firmly. Well, that was that, Joel supposed-- judging by his tone there was no arguing with him. The fire crackled on for a few more moments.

"So, Lucky..." Joel began, and Alex looked over. "What do you want to do first, when we get to the City?"  
Alex smiled slightly. Joel saw him and knew there were no doubts in his mind that the City was real. He, however, had some, but he wasn't going to vocalize them- and it didn't matter, anyway. As long as he had his lucky charm to follow, he would be fine. And if it wasn't real, they'd settle down somewhere else.  
"...That's a good question," Alex said at last, rubbing his beard. "I think... I'm not sure."  
"You could use a bath," Joel suggested, grinning. Alex glared at him, pulling a bottle of dirty water from his pocket and flicking a few drops at him.  
"Hey!" Joel objected, and the other man laughed, causing the pistolero to fold his arms and huff.  
"Great. Now I have tuberculosis."

Alex only laughed harder, wheezy, shaky belly laughs that racked his whole body. Joel looked over at him and smiled once more, softly. He was glad he could make his lucky charm laugh like this.  
...Oh, lord knows he was too old for this kind of pitiful pining. He was in the twilight of his life, not a teenager. Before this, love, to him, was always a hypothetical... and then Alex came along, and at first he followed him because he thought he was just a very lucky man, but then... How do you just _find a guy in the garbage_ and get so close to him?

Alex’s toothy grin greeted him when he closed his eyes. He wondered if his hands were soft beneath those gloves of his, under the brass knuckles he always wore over them 'just in case' that he took from a franchiser's lifeless body. He wondered what his chapped lips would feel like, if they were to graze against his. He wondered if he had more scars under his rags...  
He shivered involuntarily.

Alex stopped laughing, turning to him. "Are you cold?"  
Joel paused. "A little."  
"Get closer to the fire, if you need to," Alex suggested, before his lips turned upwards in a smirk. "Unless you want me to cuddle with you."  
"Why d'you have to make everything so weird?"  
"I can't help it."  
"Yeah, yeah," Joel muttered, and Alex snickered, shuffling over to him. Disgruntled, Joel took his hat off and shoved it onto his friend's head, under his eyes.  
"Hey!" Alex continued laughing. He lifted the hat up, revealing the bright green holes in his face once more. Joel couldn't help but flush. He hoped it wasn't noticeable.  
"How do I look?" Alex asked, posing with his hands under his face like a model. Joel slapped his knee, cackling.  
"You're beautiful, Lucky."  
"Always knew I was." He took the hat off and put it back on Joel's head. "Here, take it back. It doesn't suit me anyways."  
"Oh, that's not true."  
Alex shook his head, still smiling into the fire.  
"...By the way, Joel? The first thing I want to do when we get to the City... I want a cup of tea."  
"Really? So mundane."  
"That's what I like about it." Alex said quietly. "I want, at least for a moment, to feel like things are back to normal."  
"I doubt it will be," Joel replied. "Definitely the best we can get, but not normal. Nowhere is normal anymore."  
"Still." Alex hugged himself a bit. "Can't judge an old man for wanting some tea."  
"Guess not." Joel agreed. Alex scuffed himself over beside him, lying against him as he wrapped one arm around his friend's shoulders. 

"Thanks. This is... nice."  
"'Course." Joel was no longer looking at him. After such a long time of not being touched outside of being beaten or bludgeoned, the contact was an immense relief. It felt like scratching an itch he didn't know he had, or shaking your leg to get the pins and needles out. It felt needed.  
"I'm tired," Alex muttered. "You mind if I..."  
"Sleep on me?" Joel raised an eyebrow. "Not to reiterate, Lucky, but..."  
"Sorry." He pulled away a bit.  
"I'm joking. It's fine."  
"Oh." Alex laughed once more, resting against Joel again. He was cozy, and smelled earthy. Not like dirt, more like... almonds. "Night, then."  
"G'night, Lucky."

Soon enough, Alex was snoring, a heavy mass on his shoulder. Joel remained awake for a good long while after that, ears hunting for the sound of Franchisers' footsteps, but they never came. Eventually, exhaustion got the better of him and he fell asleep, too.

\---

The campfires were the first sign that they were going to be okay. There was a sign, there was just a tell that a safe haven was nearby-- why else would all these men be sitting around, waiting? Alex went up to the nearest man quickly, green eyes alight with hope.

"Can we sit here?" he inquired, and the pug-faced man nearby shrugged.  
"Sure. S'not my dirt."  
The two men sat across from him, calm. You could see the ghost of a smile under Alex's thick beard. 

\---

It was incredible to think that just hours before, Joel had fallen asleep, thinking safe haven was on the way, that they, that everything would be fine, and now Alex was lying on his shoulder, bleeding out, his _everywhere_ ruptured. Despite all odds, the journey they'd embarked on in the days before still had Joel tired-- as the bus rocked him, he laid his head against Alex's, and went to sleep. 

In the tiny hours of the night, as they approached the City and the first autumn leaves began to fall from their trees, for once, Joel dreamt.

He stood in a lake of blood, the sky black above him. He had been here once before.

Worst of all, though, wasn't returning to the area, or the blood, or the metallic smell, or the dark, empty vastness.  
Worst of all was that in the place of a desk and prim, suited Franchiser was Alex, gazing at him serenely, green eyes a stark contrast to the deep red beneath him.

Despite the fact that Alex had been his safe haven since they'd met, his presence here filled him with fear, as though he'd drift into the bloody ocean and never return. The thought made dread settle at the bottom of his stomach, and he ran to his friend, clinging onto him as though this could keep him from sinking. Or, at the very least, cause Joel to sink as well-- without Alex, he'd be adrift, aimless, a sailor floating on a tidal flow with no lighthouse to guide him.

Alex stumbled slightly at first, but held him in return; his arms strong and warm and heavy like he remembered. It almost made him smile. 

"Seems we're back here again, Lucky," he said.  
"Yes, it seems so," Alex replied, and his voice was so clear and close. He didn't pull away. "How long do you want to stay?"

This question made Joel tense up with fear. Deep down he knew why.  
"Forever," he said quickly, and Alex chuckled, pulling back.  
"You know that isn't an option."  
"Take me with you then," Joel demanded, and Alex smiled at him, so caring, so understanding- yet at the same time, the way you'd look at a curious child; like he knew something Joel couldn't possibly comprehend. It broke his heart.  
"I'm afraid I can't do that."  
"Stay with me, then, please, if there's nothing else you can do," he nearly begged. Alex said nothing, still gazing at him calmly. It made him want to scream, to rage.  
"...Then what?" Joel asked, his voice incredibly small.  
"I don't know." Alex replied. "You'll have to do without me."  
"I can't do that."  
"You have to."  
"I can't... you have to stay with me."  
"Joel..."  
"Don't let it take you from me. Please, Lucky."  
"I'd give everything to stay." Alex said softly, honestly. "I can't. I would, you know I would."  
"Alex..."  
"I don't know where I'm going--"  
"I don't care where we go, I just want to be with you--"  
Alex continued despite Joel's interruption. "--All I know is _you're not coming with me."_

They held each other in silence for a long time, Joel unwilling to take his hold off the garbage man. Blood was seeping into his clothes, but he didn't care. Alex took hold of one of Joel's hands and nestled into his neck. His hair was coarse and scratchy as usual, but he didn't mind. Joel squeezed his hand tighter, placing one hand on his hip-- and suddenly, he was gently leading them in a waltz. There was no music, just the sloshing of blood as they moved in harmony, causing ripples in the red fluid. It wasn't difficult to dance this way; minus the seeping the blood felt as though it wasn't there at all.

Every step, every second pushed him further into Alex, and he was afraid-- _terrified_ that the end of the dance would mean the end of his friend's life, no more Alex, no more hearing him bleat like a goat in protest whenever he shoved his hat over his eyes, no more silly banter about nothing and everything, no more of that Velvet-Fu nonsense, no more lucky charm. He couldn't let that happen.  
He gave Alex a little twirl and laughed, coming back to rest against him, picking up the waltz once more. What once was messy and tangled was now an intricately woven tapestry, hand-crafted by whatever it was that pulled them to each other in the first place as the blood parted around them, those hopefuls dancing on the edge of the infinite.

After a few minutes, Alex slowed, getting tired, blood starting to soak from his neck into his rags from marks that certainly weren't there a moment before-- so Joel picked him up in his arms. The old man smiled, wrapping his arms around Joel's neck, pressing their foreheads together. He was beautiful, Joel thought. Soft and whole.

The fondness in Alex's eyes was brighter than the stars twinkling thousands of miles away from them. And as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, and so was he-- he'd dissapeared, no flesh, no bone, just blood seeping into Joel's skin, dripping down his coat and returning to the sea.

And suddenly, with a jolt of the truck over a pothole, he was awake again.  
Alex was still warm beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> official pointless server fight me behind a dennys


End file.
